its fucking unfair. everything.
this fucking life. yes i know. who said life is fair.
but fuck. i want to be anywhere but here right now. im so fucked up. while u go out at night. out a party get smashed and forget (ur worries/me). i. i sit. at home surrounded by mine. ingulfed in a cloud of smoke. it doesnt really help. a sea of questioning faces wonder why the sad eyes? why? whats wrong? what can i say. so chin up i fake a smile and make my way through the crowd.
ready to fall down any second now. thats how exhausted i am.
but i keep myself busy. dont allow myself to think of you. but u creep in somehow. i stand straight and feel myself leaning against ur chest. ur fingers to the music tapping the side of my hips. I lie in bed face down and feel on my shoulder ur breath ur kiss. i miss those lip. ur kiss. You still make me laugh. last night. after everything uv done.
after everything. is there anything? can there be?
getting crushed under the weight of wanting to say fuck it. its fine. i dont care. but i do because i should because it wont. be fine that is. i miss the way ur eyes would fixate on mine. with that look. the look that i took away from you when i broke you before. im sorry. will you never look at me the way u did before? im sorry i had to take that away. that which you held so close. that which you built everything on. but i didnt know. how else to go on. and now it is no more. will it never come back then. is this the price we pay? for having to live in this world. real life. fuck real life. fuck this inbetween. fuck not knwing which way to go. fuck emotions. fuck rationality. fuck putting on a brave face just because people dont know how to deal with u when ur depressed. fuck sounding like a fucking movie dialogueeeeeee.... URGHHHHHHHHHHH i want someone to hit me...fucking punch me in the face please. i need to feel something other then this. this. constricting.stifling ... this!!