Attention: Whore
masochisticwhore
I kinda like the word 'whore'.... sometimes. I feel - -. It
feels like the blood in my veinshasjammedupandall circulation STOPed. I should be dead. Not carry on typing when the rest of me... is .... just ... so.
Giant waves of Bentota...... the ones that came tumbling hard over my head ....they took more then my shades with them.... Afforded me some calm. for a time. But the water. it came in that day.... it rushed in with all its might and shook my insides so....and I .still. havent. recovered.
Now my innermost corners are streaked with lines of rust; Red. Corrosive. They would creak if they could.... but theres no one here to move them. No one dares come close. (I would even let them if they did. I swear..... Im that desperate. Heh.)
And right now I see before me drops of red adulterated by water ..... watered down to a light .... fading against the stark ceramic white sink.....takes the edge off ....my attention off the crystals fluid over the creases of my eyes to watch the rubyRed gush down to kiss my lips ....
I dont think a nosebleed is the solution or maybe sadness and nosebleeds go hand in hand
I still smoke. a lot. sometimes alone. sometimes because it validates my being zoned. my being stoned. I feel so baked when im not that I figure I might as well be.....
and a single conversation with you still ... d.r.a.i.n.s me. drains the lifeblood from me… leaves me so that I am incapable of interaction conversation fuck even eye contact with anyone else for the next couple of hours. And yet you.... you deem yourself last on my list.... And I ... I let you ...
They spoke this Saturday. She mentioned casually that they did. And it wasnt lost on me .... the significance. On Sunday they sat together at the lunch table.... after .... a year ... maybe ... Maybe it was because there was a guest in the house....Maybe it means things are slowly going back .... So things are better really. If you look at it. than they were before. Much. Better. So then why arent I?
15.05. 2006 3:16pm
1 comment:
you know, i dont really know what to say after reading this post. i do know however that some stuff hit home in the weirdest of ways.
i need a cigarette after this one basically is what im trying to say.
'I feel so baked when im not that I figure I might as well be.....'
most people will think thats insane and not really a justification. but i SO KNOW what you mean. even when your sober, that stoned edge is there. so you figure what the hell might as well smoke the damn thing anyway.
please post more often.. pleeease.
Post a Comment