i would have written about something else but then i abadoned him all over again

I let myself in though I know Im not supposed to but
I never know when Im done

Abandoned. its how he feels … and he doesnt understand it. And we now are stuck. slipping and sliding around in vicious tunnels/circles upon circles upon circles . (I cant be with him because he refuses to understand and he refuses to understand because I. cant. be. with. him.)

And I see you fogging up the mirror
Vapor round your body glistens in the shower
And I want to stay right here and go down on you for an hour
Or stay, and let the day just fade away

and I know he knows. he realizes and yet because he doesnt want to. he just doesnt (denial). and I get it because I know him I know how he gets and I want to be there for him but I cant. Because this is not where I want to be. im sorry im a bitch. selfish. but I dont want this for myself. I never did. and I just dont know how to be.

take the moment of hope
And let it run, and never look back at all the damage we have done now
To each other
To each other
To each other

years weve spent. breathing together. every second. a moment that I remember myself alive light happy truly was a moment spent lying in a room on a bed next to you. it was light outside and we were just. together. and I was happy. truly. its been a while since/been too long…

Now her appetite is blown, little else is known
Except she a little angry, grabs a towel and looks away

And now. Youre bitter/resentful because you insist that you dont matter. never did. last on my list. Over and over and over. the same conversation. the same draining feelings. the same blog posts about the same unchanging you.

Time passes and it tells us what were left with
We become the things we do
Me Im a fool, spent from defiance, yeah you got me but
I didnt give up on you

(I picture you singing along..a song for you)

and its not easy being me
But I cant promise I will mend or bend
When you believe that we are fixed now from our birth
And Ive just fallen back to earth
Still you know Ill try again
Cause I believe that we are lucky
We are golden were stolen manners
In the days when we were one

So when I see you, despite all that weve become
Im still blinded
But Im still staring down the sun
When I see you
Im blinded