her eyes

The girl in the mirror in front of me is different from the one that had been there these past 23 years. The other one, I assume, she'd found something better to do and so had left. And in her place now......left behind was this. girl.

I don't know what fascinated me about her or what fascinated her about me …but we would sit, her and I .....staring at each other for hours on end. I studied her. Thin straight wisps for eyebrows Round eyes that seem to change everyday, a small nose with one nostril slightly higher slightly different then the other. There was something flat about her face; a face that changed when she smiled. Once every few days when the sun fell at a certain angle and the air smelt right the cherub-like mouth on her would break into a small strange smile. On those days I sometimes smiled as well. And when she looked away, I would pretend to do the same while stealing secretive glances at her. Sometimes she almost looked like someone else. Someone strange. And I wondered if she had switched places with another and wondered if this was even her? It was. I'm pretty sure. But even then I would measure her features out just to be sure.

We never talked, her and I, though I considered it on several occasions. But every time I thought to say something I realized the insignificance of what I was going to say. And I thought of how that would only ruin things. Words do that you see. They ruin everything.
It's a strange cycle you get sucked into once you start playing with words. And everyone plays with words. Words aren't used to convey thoughts or even feelings like everyone thinks they are ((they couldn't possibly anyway)). They're for playing. Word play. A play on words. No one says the things they want to, only those expected of them or more often than that, things they think are expected of them. And the older you get the more necessary all this becomes. Smile, agree and move along. Anything else… an exchange of anything real … is just not worth the effort now is it? Too complicated. But things between the two of us hadn't gotten fucked up like that as yet. Not complicated. So you can see why I didn't want to ruin it.

I don't like words. And I know she doesn't either. And yet there were days when I stared into those eyes without a spark and I wondered what she thought of when she looked at me. That more then anything is what tempted me.

3:45pm

26.08.06