When he falls desperately in love with you because of the light that falls on your face a certain way. Or clings to you desperately because he realizes he just cant do without. There is something so grabbingly attractive about being wanted that way and then again sometimes ...just a little.....empty .......isn't it
always left wanting a little more .... something a little different to mix it up...... something a little of that which we don't/cant have.
how can I be so of 2 minds. Wanting..... no needing 2 such conflicting things ......Just wrap me up in 3 simple words 'I – don't – (fucking) know!' (no the colourful insertion does not make it 4)
23 is not a good place to get all fucking rebellious.....not now! ..... and yet ....I do things now with the justification that 'iv been a good kid so far' ..... rebellious bones always sure but never did anything wrong...... so no im not juvenile enough to think ahh lets make up for time lost.....but well .....I don't know ....whats the harm .....everyones done far worse crap ...... if I need some time off before leaping into the inevitable 'rest of my life' .......if I want some space where I need not think of anyone but me .....then fuckkkk why is that such a fucked up place to be ?!....
We still have such long way to go ....


Roles reversed :
....'you! you women you're cold. Practical. Hard hearted'
'We are not like that ......men.... we're emotional......Our decisions don't come from a practical, thought out place'

So here I am stuck with the practical brain a hard heart and yet.....still a soft spot for the soft brained men in my life ......and ofcourse a conscience (the guilty kind) to top it all ......

yes yes .....emotionalsoftcuddlywrappedinmarshmallow Men all of you ....what I want to know is how you do the no-strings-attached thing. the attachment-but-it-doesn't-mean-anything thing. The refusal-to-think-about-anyone-other-then-yourself thing. The will-love-you-more-then-any-other-breathing-thing-on-earth-but-only-on-my-own-terms thing.

Trust me. through the cloud of tears and drama down to that practical plane isn't a smooth ride. At least he knows what one thing he wants at a single point in time. At least he isn't pulled in different directions by every bone in his body.



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Im still very angry. Just because im being nice about it and good to you. doesn't mean you can keep running me over with your selfishness. URGHHHH why must you make this so fucking difficult!?