i dont know whats going on. i feel so fucking lost. its so fucking hard. being without. i was fine. when i didnt know what it was i didnt have. i was never the affectionate type, why is it now that all of a sudden all i want is someone to hug. to touch. i never needed that before. you did this to me. and now that i dont have you anymore. i sit here at 5:29 in the morning aching for you. i cant belive how much i miss you. you come over. talk to our frnds. tell them about ur weekend . i know ur trying hard to get over me. its just seems your getting along much better then me. then again its not like i have much going for me. maybe i should just fuck it and move back to khi already. seriously theres not much left here for me. i seriously thought we might be able to give this another chnae but i guess thats not fair to you. i know. i have to grow up. its just so fucking hard. i want to. i want whats best for us. and now there isnt an us. so i dont even know what im rambling on about. you would think that at least me being meiserable might produce some creativity in me. but no. i just sit here. unable to do anything. i keep reminding myself why im in this place but without you to fight with i keep forgetting and all i remeber is school the ac hall montreal the phone booth when it was raining ur face................ i just....i want to know how youre doing. i keep going on msn and stare at your nick hoping for ...i dont know what....and the thing is your the only one. the only one i could even talk to about this. and i cant. i know my friends are there but. well you know how i am. i cant. cant talk. cant let them see me cry for too long. not cause im too proud. hardly that. i guess figures what would happen to an unaffectionate girl unable to open up . sitting at 5:38 in the morning typing a one sided conversation that will never happen.....