its funny how iv become that person .... didnt really think that would ever happen...and yet here i am...content in hiding behind the clouds of smoke and easy distractions when things get rough...
facing up to life is sometimes so much harder then you would have imagined (even when you thought you had imagined it all) and the craziest thing of it is that this isnt anything. its definatly not as bad as it can get. not even close. So then why is this so difficult.....
This assuming of my role in life as a person. an adult! this starting to actually take part in conversations. in life... for all the times i felt left out ...i now miss my childish role of the innocent bystander... how much easier was that to play out.
And now to the conversation.... where do i even begin? how do i start?(anywhere as long as i start it) is it even my place? (mine is the only place)
cant thing whole thing get sorted on its own? (thought it had but apparently not)...
daymnit
why do i have to keep making decisions...taking actions ...
what!? now that im grown up my privilages of sitting back and relaxing have been taken away..your telling me I actually have to start taking part in my own life.. .
crap.
this is going to be a long long ride ......
3 comments:
we grow into it. It strikes suddenly but then slowly it becomes you, or you become it and this period of not knowing, of hovering between then and now doens't even remain a memory.
Don't really know if its a good thing, but yeah, when we grow up, we grow up.
oh tell me about it. you just realize you're all grown up one day when things start piling up on you.. it then hits you how you're no longer that carefree kid anymore.. growin up is hard.. im still in denial.
I loved how you said " I'll have to take part in my own life now" lol.. completely relate to the surprised/ denial tone.
Growing up, yes, it is a part of life, but still it isn't always going to happen. Many people deny the age old saying of age lends wisdom. In this day and times, age doesnt indicate maturity or wisdom.
But the fact that you even question such situations indicates growth taking place. Trust me, even though it is harder, more painful to play the role of a adult, it definately is more satisfying too. The harder the challenge, the more you learn from it.
Keep writing.
Sonia
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