bickering.67 voices. inside

my head. outside. ugly me. you. your pieces here and there. remains from that wreck earlier that day.

 

im concentrating now on the soles of my feet. i really would much rather look elsewhere. the harder i scratch the surface the deeper it burns. burns inside but somehow that feels right.

 

i need a smoke

right abt now. cant. unsympathetic faces outside. inside. you asleep me wide eyed staring into dark walls surround me closing in sometimes i sit 

in hollow space

space

seperates 

me. from them. everyone. everyones alone. i am you are. 

 

he had an attack while sleeping in an airport. woke up in the ambulance. he lives alone. 

 

he lives alone thats the scary part

but what abt him? what if something's wrong? really wrong?

well abhi we dont know naa..but if he has another one when he's home alone... thats whats scary 

 

we're all alone

 

what we care about. what effects me now is only me and mine. thats scary. sad somehow

but the what else

 

would i should i. yes i should. but i wont. fuck. 

 

i cant read over what i write. disconnected pieces of my mind for now

w/ 2 lumps of sugar? 

yes please. 

 

fuck

this is so f-ed up

seriously. you know that story about that little ant. the one that never gave up. well what if she had just kept trying and trying and trying to climb that wall and had just never succeeded  and the actual big lesson was move on you dumfuk its not meant to happen. never was. whos to say ... anyway. that was a story. keep pushing keep on pushing ...isnt that how that ditty goes.

fuck those people whov moved mountains!! a big fuck you to you all!!!

 

can someone please. for-the-love-of-God throw me down a boulder if you can w/ some fucking directions. fuck

i sound like a broken record.

i hate that.

 

i hope its a fucking anvil that comes my way.

unattractive cunt

 

gasp. she didnt really say that did she. well fuck you.

 

so go.

 

im curled up now in a ball falling fast and i want to screm spew my frustrated spitballs in your direction. anyone really will do for now.

but you see i cant. im tied down bound up all fucking fucked up

fucking unpretty

inside

outside

 

12.09.05

sometimes in the a.m.

b/w tears fear & nightmares