i lay in bed half awake ...till every drop of sleep had been muscled out of there...got out of bed because i wanted to now.
another day ..(so close to the last few) ..
...the haze of the past few days seems to have lifted (a bit) .. getting out of that funk i hope
trying to will myself to at least
God
i can be such a fucking retard sometimes .... i still am.
seriously sometimes i dont know what do w/ myself. i can see the road im heading down and i really dont want to go there.
how do i pull the brakes?
how do i change?

and the thing is i can see how stupid im being about this. (though am i) but i cant help it. my whole being gets warped around something and after that theres nothing else. silly imature hysterical silly silly dont want to be....
this is it
near the end .... and i dont want it to be like this..not now. i really dont ...
fuck im so0o0o childish -snap out of it! now!

seriously when the fuck will i grow up?? give it up
theyr right! i need to get over this shit and just face up to life now! stop feeling like

no but seriously God why this?!? of all the things ... this!! what do i do w/ this?? where do i put it?? ... does it matter ...will it matter ?? and if it does then what ..fuck everything else because of it ....? oh God! im so0o sick of it now!
i need a personality overhaul! now! someone anyone get to it please!!!!