urghh ...shitness at the pit of my stomach!! no matter how hard i try to be happy absorbing myself in mindless distractions ...it keeps coming back. "you live in a world of your own"... this disdainful comment in an msn msg this morning... discerned im assuming from my msn nick! well you know what if i want to! what if i want to stick my head in the sand and pretend all this shit is just not happening!! its not for forever obviously but just till i can.... i mean fuck i dont have a whole lot of time to myself now and if i want to enjoy these days and not kill myself w/ depression over something that i can not do anything about and believe me iv tried then what!!!?!... serious what the fuck. what can i do from here anyway?! what?!.
is it wrong that iv accepted already ... that my way of dealing with this now is ..well ok this is it ... and im not a freaking flipping out emotional wreck about it anymore (ie to the extent i was) ... fuck i hate this shit!!! i hate such comments! and i feel like a bitch for wanting to shout out well fuck you for having a problem with the fact that half way across the world my nicks seem to suggest i might be having a little bit of fun and a little bit of stress and a little bit of everything that has nothing to do w/ you and your problems!! fuck!!