10:35 am .... waking up drunk is .......yea ... i thought i'd cry last night .... dont think i did...not more then a tear anyway ... but my heart did swell up more then a few times ...you know how it does with sadness so0o that just when it cant swell the sadness pours out in tears .... swelling feeling again ... not for the reasons i thought i would though! ... fuck me for getting up and reading that...and fuck u for writing that so early in the daymn morning ....urgh why do you have to be so you!! as if i didnt know already... i dont fucking know .....

God ...alone at 10 am ...unable to sleep ...listening to untouochable face .... still drunk from last night ...im definatly going to cry now!...

"you look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away....i wont know what to do i wont know what to say"

and if we change ...change beyond repair .... things are never the same ....not for more then point 6 seconds anyway...after that ...i dont know ...how do you stop it going down hill from there?
fuck the music keeps changing ...its so fucking loud...so jarring and it takes me a while to find the controls.... too fucking early for this music...

...too fucking early...

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this is about me .... me with the stale smoky smell of last night in my hair and smudges of mascara under my eyes.... i need to sort this out. its not about anyone else. its me.
...inklings of certain realizations and a hangover now .....

though i have to say ...the best part of these realizations is watching them crash and burn on human contact...
fucksonofabitch ...heh...