"Quarter-life Crisis" ...Hell yeaa!

One of my frnds forwarded this to me a couple of mths ago and i was shocked at how well I related .... I saw it again on someone elses blog and thought that i too must steal and post. After all i still relate ...even though its not the mess thats on my mind abhi variety is after all the spices of lifes!


They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.



P.S. o0h also0o a must read is the Time Magazine cover story about the "Twixers", twenty-somethings that don't settle down. I could see so0o many of my frnds and myself to an extent in that article ...its downright creepy. Fuck. playing right into their hands arnt we.

Heres a trick ques: what and where is the clitoris?!

heres a comment i left on anothers blog that made me want to say this and so much more:

"..... heres a little peice of information.... in Islam if a woman is not Sexually Satisfied That is a valid reason for divorce ...so0o yeaa ...belive it or not female orgasms are definatly up there in the list of priorities for the Muslim male!!!"

the response i got was:

"i feel pity. but never mind."

so0o now here i am ...torn between wanting to laugh or say wtf and then what the fuck all over again!!!!
i love how so0o there are so0o many people out there can be so0o0o ......why is it the only word that comes to mind is "difficult" ..... I mean seriously! yes why dont you pick and choose what you feel "relevent" from your religion and "nevermind" the rest. I mean COMON!
Why is it that our desi society is so0o0o closeminded when it comes to sex!! why is it such a big taboo?? everyones obbsessed with it!! EVERYONES doing it!! Deal with it rather then frowning and looking away!!
and the thing is if going by Islam sex is meant to be the most beautiful, most sacred act. Its not wrong, its not shameful and its not vulgar conversation!!!
Yes sex is meant to be monogomous within a marraige. Iv dont disagree with that. I personally believe that but I wouldnt be judging people for their own personal (PRIVATE) choices...
Hey!! what about the number of people who lie, cheat, SCAM (all u proud desi scammers out there), and hurt people ?!!? What the fuck about you lot?!?! Why do you get off scott free without oweing any moral or religious obligations whatsoever.

The main reason I find this whole thing so disturbing is that this is a topic that needs to be disscussed. Esp in our society....with all the misinformation, myths and random crap floating around people need to be INFORMEDDD!!! Sex is complicated, emotional and a very important part of life .... in or outside marriage. It should be talked abt properly ....w/o all the sharam and embarrasement. And honestly the information you get from porn/ the shitty so-called sex-ed classes/advice from frnds who dont know any better then you/and the sex talks youre not getting from parents, really isnt helping matters.
Why is it that bawdy vulgar jokes and galis that degrade the most intimaate parts of a woman's body, are perfectly acceptable social behaviour among the desi males, but one Sex and the City episode leaves them covering their eyes and doing their "tobah tobah" "astakhfaullahs"? grow up already!!

hmmm heres an update!! i cant listen to music anymore!!!
all the fucking songs on my playlist make me cry.

...or puke...why the fuck is everything abt lurveee!!!

GOOOOOO ASEXUALITYYYYYYYY!!!!

ranting raving fucking bitching out bitching

Why is it that at the very point in my life where i need to sort my self out, let out all this shit, and just scream I decide to go very very very quite .... Seriously. I can be so fucking loud otherwise ...why have I chosen now to lower the volume. Just when im going through the most significant change in my life.
Why is life is so complicated? Why do I have to make decisions? Why are people as a race so fucking fucked up? Why did I have to grow up anyway? (yes yes i know "welcome to the real world and all that jazz..." welll FUCK THAT SHIT!!!
*me doing the delicately choreographed blend of a Screw-You-World jig and a Thats-Not-Fucking-Fair tantrum!!!

sonofabitch. Im in tears one minute and giggling away the next. How easy it is for me to just not think abt stuff ...put it away for another day ...i feel like Scarlet O'Hara (even though that was the one thing that kinda creeped me abt her) but well ...she said she would deal with it tommorrow ....i make no such empty promise to myself. i leave it at "aaah fuck it!" ....whats so fucked up is that at those times I feel shitty about not feeling shitty.
seriously. 17 more points FOR my earlier theory on how great life would be if we all asexul seriously think about it ....so0o much less grief...make urself happy and get on w/ it ...none of this depending on, caring for, worrying about, fighting with, miserable without BULLSHIT!!!

A-S-E-X-U-A-L!!!

EVERY PERSON FOR THEMSELVES!
NONE OF THIS PAIRING UP-SOULMATE-HEARTACHE-CANTLIVE-FUCK WITH-SONOFABITCH-PDA-OLDMAID-GETTINGLAID-COUPLESHIT-LOVENHATE!!!!

Suddenly at the end of this list i feel like crying. It wierd to be living on the brink of tears for the past week. Who knows what might set off the waterworks. Its not cuz i disagree w/ myself. hell no! im still all for asexuality as a reorientaion required for teh peace and survival of humans but then again ....i really dont want to left without the aforementioned bullshit...i loved it ....i love him.
Fuck havnt told any of myfrnds as yet and here I am pouring my heart out to the blackhole of the internet for GodKnowsWho to read. traits of the bastard child of a culture traumatized by reality TV? Fuck I have issues .....hmmm what was that quote ..."you thnk you have issues..i have a damn subscription" ....really not that funny ...apt though ....


I'm so0o fucking tired. I just cant help these tears sometimes ...at the strangest times I get heavy. my bones get really really heavy and I dont feel like moving. speaking. breathing. Is it always this difficult. How the fuck do ppl get through this? I asked chip how she did it. she replied "you were there for me". I dont thnk i can let anyone be there for me though. Truthfully I dont want to let anyone in because what did they about you and me. And how would they know anyway. Im scared I'm not doing you justice. Not mourning 'us' giving 'us' our rightful respects ...but i dont want to. I dont want to accept that its over. I have. but I cant. fuck I feel schitzo.

...

write more someother time ..... dont feel like being emotional abhi (the scarlet syndrome hits again) :s

Your 1 Thing
List #2061259
Start Living 2 people

Sometimes I cant Breathe. The Air gets Stifled inside me. So I grab a pillow over my head to cover it. It muffles the Screams but nothing else comes out. I Push down harder to make it better. There will be quiet after the stuggles. But just as I've almost gotten everything out my weak arms go limp and my cowardly lungs gasp, taking it all back in...

just that kinda day

If ever in your life youre very sad & lonely & feel that you have lost everything, I will come, hold your hand, take you for a walk on a bridge and show you where to jump from...

A satisfying msn conversation! :D

I love the new handwriting feature :)
*smudge

muffled inside

i need to cry. i need to just let it all out. cry till theres nothing left inside. cry without feeling like i have nothing to be crying about. and I want him to be there. to hug me while im crying. hug after im all cried out. i dont want him to question why it is im crying or reflect on what my crying has to do with him. i want to cry and i want him to understand and be there. i want him to change things around and fix everything that makes me cry. i want him to make it better. i want to be able to look at him and not want to cry.

fuck i hate sundays

strained stretched breathes

im not happy! i used to be a very happy person. im not anymore. its not like anything earthshattering has happened in my life. No. Nothing has happened. But im just not happy. Most of the time I feel sad. And the times I dont I'm distracted by something else. Its not depression though. I know depression. No. its sadness. The grave kind. But really. Nothing has happened. I feel all stretched out and shredded from the inside. My heart feels dented. Not broken though because nothing really has happened. Just dented. Right now I want to scream. I want to throw things across my room. At someone. I want to tell the people I meet that I'm not happy and its all a facade. A giant mask. But not everyone. Just the people who would care. Really care. I want to be hugged. I want to curl up and disappear. If only for a moment. Not have to think. or feel. I want to be hugged. Really really tight. And I want the person hugging me to mean it. I want the person to not think about themselves or thier problems or anything other then me and just hug me like they really really mean it. I want to let out the tears brimming at my eyes that I keep pushing back. But then again nothing has happened so why all the fuss.

"All I Really Want"

Do I stress you out

My sweater is on backwards and inside out

And you say how appropriate

I don't want to dissect everything today

I don't mean to pick you apart you see

But I can't help it

There I go jumping before the gunshot has gone off

Slap me with a splintered ruler

And it would knock me to the floor if I wasn't there already

If only I could hunt the hunter

And all I really want is some patience

A way to calm the angry voice

And all I really want is deliverance

Do I wear you out

You must wonder why I'm so relentless and all strung out

I'm consumed by the chill of solitary

I'm like Estella

I like to reel it in and then spit it out

I'm frustrated by your apathy

And I am frightened by the corrupted ways of this land

If only I could meet the Maker

And I am fascinated by the spiritual man

I am humbled by his humble nature

What I wouldn't give to find a soulmate

Someone else to catch this drift

And what I wouldn't give to meet a kindred

Enough about me, let's talk about you for a minute

Enough about you, let's talk about life for a while

The conflicts, the craziness and the sound of pretenses

Falling all around...all around

Why are you so petrified of silence

Here can you handle this?

Did you think about your bills, your ex, your deadlines

Or when you think you're gonna die

Or did you long for the next distraction

And all I need know is intellectual intercourse

A soul to dig the hole much deeper

And I have no concept of time other than it is flying

If only I could kill the killer

All I really want is some peace man

a place to find a common ground

And all I really want is a wavelength

All I really want is some comfort

A way to get my hands untied

And all I really want is some justice...

--ALANIS MORISSETTE

Her brain burst through her skull and splattered on the floor. She must have been thinking of something turbulent.

:) ..... whoa that blog turned out quite long!!! hmmmmm....lottsa writing and still not writting .... :P

my 3 days :)

my week since monday ..hmmm that would be ... errr.. last 3 days ...hehhehe ..... so0o0o yea ....
DIDNT wake up in the morning! DIDNT start french level 4 *crappit* - Rode the bus 40 mins to pick up a paper from the other campus *daymn these far away campuses and profs who insist on having offices there* - Had a big fight w/ the signif other..still unresolved *hmph* : S - Got 2 interviews for telemarketing - Ditched one and went for the other one - Sat through 3 hours of training and decided that unfortunalty I wasnt THAT morally corrupt as yet and that I really didnt want to go to Hell with all the other *wonderful* people who wrk in that office *urrr shuddersss at evilness* - Ignored that I had a paper to write and went off to E&A's - Took my first bong hit...heheh had my head practically forced into it - got just the right amt stoned and veryyyy giggly hehhehe - Came home and made lame attempts at writing the paper - V came over to "help me w/ my paper" (yeah uhan) - stayed up all night talking instead (had to happen) :) -Made pancakes at 6 am - Went for french vanilla and espresso at 8 and found a perfect spot in the :)*SUN* :) - Went to class at 8:45 - Half way through my eyes got friggin heavy and i kept dropping off - I Thought i was semi awake and attempted concentrating and taking notes - Read the "notes" at the end of the class and found that they were illegible scrawls often scribbling off the page even ..hehhe quite funny actually - Came home at 12:00 - Sat at the computer -Downloaded random songs- Made random itinerey of the past 3 days ...hmmmm i duno0o why i really even started this tho.... maybe its the sleep deprivationnnn ..hmmm sleeepppppZZzzZzzZzz. im hungry.

slept myself to weep

stuffstuffstuff to write but really just dont feel like it now yesterday day before or the day before that maybe tommorrow who knows