its all so ordinary .. so 'everyone else's life'. :S
and the fact that mine willbe/hastobe the same bothers me. playing it safe. simple. if i want to get what i want at the end of it all. step beyond the boundaries only if you want to see it all shot to hell or conversely if you're some one else entirely. otherwise this is it. your life.(ie. my life). spice some? you cant you know. i know. i know. but urghhhh why?! its too blah. and it doesn't mean anything so why does it mean so much. why would it mean so much to me. whyyy missy whyy?! rare magical moments swirling in my head enjoyed by myself alone. i'm fine with that. sometimes. sometimes i want more. sometimes i want everything. but well what can you do about that. cheesy movie lines spinning in my head. so not me. then again... sometimes ....maybe they belong with the lighterbrighter side. the one that they thought i didnt have. i feel like im at the edge of an axis spinningspinningspinning so fast that i cant tell which side of light or dark i am and if i pause to catch my breath or find my feet i will most likely fly off the daymn thing shooting into the wide blank spaces between nothingness and everything.
maybe im already there.
my lists keep growinggrowinggrowing. and i dont see myself moving. my brain feverish with activity runs around all over the place skipping even sometimes and then i look down and see. my body stiff. legs still. unmoving. whattheFfuck. how the fuck can i be tired already. sily silly me. theres so much more. so so much.
urghhh i get so bored. i drift in and out of your stories often and you know i do it youre fine with it ..you still go on and on and on... what is that all about?! shutupshutupshutup please shutthefuckup! I need to find something to hook me. interest-me conversations. somewhere that i can stay and get that which give me my thrills/kicks/fix. (should go pray.... find out where they pray in places like these)
and then theres all that other crap. dealing with people. why why why must we. as if its not enough I have to deal with my own shit. now all of yours as well. how the fuck should I know how far to push you and when to let you be. now if you all came with inbuilt remotes so that i could control your settings now that would be a different story all together *sits back and smiles lost in the wondrous prospects of such idea* ....
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