raging against myself

*URGHHHHHHH*!!
I hate this. i hate the way i look right now. sitting on my ass iv put on so0o much friggin weight that i haveto lose 10 pounds to go back to being overwieght! what the fuck.and the thing is that i DONT want to do the whole losing wieght running gym shit thing. i HATE RUNNING! i hate it! its fucking boring. exhausting. im literally counnting the seconds while im doing it. and most of the time i get of the daymn machine out of boredom than actual exhaustion.and the thing is that its the only thing that'll act make me lose this weight. relatively fast.im so0o impatient i can NOT do the whole drawn out one year of proper weight loss thing .... one week of consious wieght losing effort and im on my last nerve. this is where i end up each time. fuck.its crazy ... but iv been thnking abt it and i realized that iv been caught up in this wieght thing since i hit puberty....and its never going to end! and its not even like i have a hunderd or friggin 50 pounds to lose ...no. its just 20 fucking pounds and ill be perfect. and i just dont have the pateince or the will power really to stick it through. i get all gungho and do the one week of running and eating healthy and no chocolates and all and i feel like oh my God im putting myself thru hell and back and at the end of the week im just run out of motivation. completely.and now 2 weeks later im sitting here feeling really crappy about myself wishing i had my flat stomach back and yet not really motivated to get off my lazy ass and go excercise.i duno0o if its the weather (when in doubt blame the cold) or im just fucking masochistic...prob the 2nd choice...not to mention lazyyyfucking fuk.